Denver, The Sunshine State
I'm back from Ohio. Thank god. I was going out of my mind with boredom. There is only so much tv i can watch, so many cobblers i can bake, games of pool i can play and trips to the mall i can take in suberbia before i start to go insane. But I am back. And let me tell you, the excitment of being back in Denver after Indiana (The pro life state as the many many billboards inform you) and Ohio is rather a lot like the fun drunk stage, you are unbelievebly happy to be where you are and see everyone, everyone looks sexy (the midwest...not a looker in the bunch) you want to hug and kiss everyone, you're full of smiles and laugh damn near nonstop. it's like magic.
quote of the trip:
Dave's reaction to Alan's 6 1/2 year old son showing him a jar of lightning bugs he has caught and is going to keep as pets
"I hope you know they are going to die soon, so don't get too attached."
The Best Thing Since...
The following was yelled across the hall between Dave and I:
Dave: Lauren, I think i am the best thing to happen to men since women.
Me: Why? Are you gay?
Dave: No. I'm just an awesome guy.
Son of a BITCH!!
So tomorrow i fly to Ohio. I am not really sure why. I am going to my grandparents house. I arrive thursday night they leave friday morning. They come back late sunday night, we leave wensday. What they hell is the point? Not to mention, its Ohio. In summer. Colorado kids were not meant for things like air and humidity. I will miss you all more than you will know. See you next week.
Like High School...Only More Fun
So Willie and Becca have been dating for a while now and from the pictures I have posted you can see what they are like together.
For G&T thursday this week i crashed on Willie's couch and awoke at the brilliant hour of 10am so Willie could check the status of the moped he was trying to buy off ebay. In case he was too hung over to get out of bed, he also had Becca watching the auction. After he lost the moped to another bidder she called. From the other room i hear him invite her to coffee with us, followed by lots of "oh...ok" the occasional "I don't think that is the case" a few "I dunno, whatever, I guess I'll talk to you later" and an ending of "Are you crying?" by the time we reach St. Mark's Willie is in a rather crappy mood. I knew he had his heart set on getting the moped, but as it turned out, Becca had also pissed him off. During the phone conversation she had told him that she didn't think i liked her and that i didn't want her around and then tried to convince Willie that he should go hang out with her instead of having coffee with me. I did not confirm or deny anything instead just listened and offered a hug as i do when anyone tells me their woes.
Yesterday I went over to St. Mark's with the intension of meeting up with Hazel and eventually Kiyomi before going to Beau's house. When I arrived Willie, Becca and Nick were there, Hazel told me that she was going to run some errands so may not be there when i got there but would return. Willie, ecstatic about having found and bought a moped, soon left to go crusing around with Nick and get started on their moped gang. For over two hours i sit with Becca trying to keep up a conversation, but since she doesn't talk (or at least when i am around) this is rather tricky. Around 9 i left. I couldn't take it anymore.
Today Nick and Kiyomi came over after visiting Hazel at the Marble Slab and delivered some very interesting news, Becca has begun talking shit about me. HA! She told Hazel two things which were then repeated to me, a) that everytime she is at st. mark's with willie i just walk in, like it was planned (thats right kids, she claims that we have formed a conspiracy against her!) and b) since Nick returned from Boston i have abandoned Willie in favor of hanging out with Nick and Kiyomi. What? Is it just me, or do those statements contridict one another?
Now you may not believe me when I say this, but i think the whole situation is hilarious!! Honestly I laughed when i heard it. I was tickled pink when we met up with Hazel at St. Mark's and she and Kiyomi got defensive about people talking about me in a negative manner (apparently that is taboo around them, no one fucks with Kiyomi's pillow and Hazel's neighbor/fake girlfriend). Honestly, it made my night. I can't wait to see this whole thing play out, especially since i am meeting Willie for coffee in the morning and he has invited Becca. All part of my "conspiracy."
Mission: Morality Survey
Next time any of you walk past an Urban Outfitters or Anthropologie store and notice that they are hiring, you should make it a point to go in and fill out an application. When you fill it out, do so like you really want the job even if you have no desire to ever work or even buy from their company. Why? Because you have to get to the interview process, or more spacifically the morality survey you take at the end of the interview (which is done in a group by the way). The survey is probably the funniest thing i have ever filled out. It is a whole booklet full of questions like "Do you think it is ok to take COCAIN, HEROIN or METH on your lunch break?" (they capitalize the names, apparently they don't have a problem with other drugs) "How many times in the last three years have you done COCAIN, HEROIN or METH before work? a) never b) once or twice c) every once in awhile d) every month e) before every shift." "How many times have you stolen from you job? do not count minor office supplies." "Do you think it is ok to steal from work if the amount is under a) it is never ok to steal from work b) $5 c) $10 d) $25" "If employed by our company, would you steal from us?"
Who in their right mind would answer yes to any of these questions when they are trying to get a job? This survey is around 6 pages long and may very well make your day. So I urge you to go apply. I think both stores in the Cherry Creek mall are still hiring, apparently everyone who applied failed the survey. As God as my witness, I thought it was ok to deal drugs out of the back room.
this was a fm4 webtip that i thought i would pass on to you kids. After all, who doesn't want to make fun of McDonald's and their crappy comercials?
